anger

Well I always think that every day is a fresh start in life. At least just for the mood is a fresh start.

But what is going on!?
 Nowadays people younger than me or at least kids……. Or teens nope, still children RUDE human being.

Like seriously!!! I don’t raise my voice and shout at u or give u an attitude whenever u talk to me..

Why must u do those to me!?

Once there was somebody to tell me that to change others or others views you must change your own first.

And why is it not working??

Whywhywhy

Omggggg

I always ask myself what I did wrong.

But it doesn’t seem to work to.

Oh lord. Imm very lei le.

Let’s just get things off my chest.

There is this incident that I was working in a group with ke xin. And she was in charge of logistic. Well 2 days before my event. The vendor for sports stacking called to ask for a power point pluck. And I had to ask her. So I told her that they needed one. She was like all crazy, raising her voice waulau now then say. Then I said as if I want like that. They now then call and say what…. She, you have ask them early. Me, ya I did now then they needed what. She BLACK FACE. Me , don’t have to like that say right. Why all must temper at me, why? SHE BLACK FACE AND SAID WHAT!!!!!

Waulau seriously Im also human lorrrrrrrr

Then before that chanel was all angry. Also don’t know for what lor.

She ans a phone call and ask who is alan??

I say sports stacking lor.

SHE: WAULAU as if I know I who.

Cannot talk properly meh!? Seriously lor

I confirm will not do well de.

Like may lord bless you.

 Wah tonight still going to watch movie with them. now already super bad mood lor. They totally ignoring me can. Just that they cant see the damage they have caused in me. I hardly open to people lor. Knowing me is easy. Understanding me is difficult. Opening up to u is rare. I open up my heart to 70% and u all throw millions of grenade in. blasting my heart and soul all into ashes. Nothing left. Why….. I really take time to open up. Like my heart. Close frens are hard to come by. Or are u also like those people. Treating me like a stranger too. An ALIEN I should say. Everything end up to my personality. Im not confiendent. I don’t mix around, I don’t follow the trend. I don’t do things out of my comfort zone. Cause im scared. I look at bright and shiny happy at time. But im not. Those to put up a front for my failures. Im afraid the looks of people.

That’s why I close everything. Lose senses and my emotions heighten up. My personality can only blame on the fucking mark. Why me? People tell me that it’s a test from god. But what is he trying to do? What?? Like really what!?

Why me why u do this to  me? Whyyyyy. what u trying to prove.. what is it? Why can’t you just tell me in my face…… have to look at all those people faces. Im afraid really afraid.

Just no life. People always say it to me this fat girl has no life.

This fat, this weird thing, this that this there.

Even my mom doesn’t know why im so fat.

It’s on purpose. You may think that its not.

But my mom told me that when I was in primary 3 I started gaining weight like crazy, everyday don’t want to go out. I even tried to die in pri 4 . it may be fake to you. But I have very very vague memory of this. Im serious. My mom told me when I was in primary 6 when I almost died from a head crack.

Caused is to cover the imperfect of my fucking neck….

Never told anybody before.

If I ever tell u it means that u have my heart a 100%

To distract the imperfect of it. Don’t want people to see it to say it.

Anyway im still not prepare to lose friends that ive made.

Somebody also use to tell me that blaming others is not right, caused when a problem arises, it takes two hands to clap, you also are at fault. Pls reflect.

Well I relise that im always reflecting. If u have read properly, im just complaining on how they treat me but not scolding them. its time they all. I mean ALL should reflect on their own. Im changing a lot. Until im even worst. What the hell seriously!! Im doing my part. ARE YOU!????

Well. Later movie is going to be sooooo awkward. Confirm is going to be ignored again and im like transparent….

 Well just hope for the better.